hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
