jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
