your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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