I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Boobs speak an international language.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
