i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
