I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
