return my video game
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
