my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
