I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
