fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
