Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
