i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
