the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
