Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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