Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
