If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
