Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
