i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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