the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
