So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
