Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
