I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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