I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
