just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
