You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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