You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
