2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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