Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
