Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
