when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
