DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
