doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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