I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
