the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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