Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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