Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
