You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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