...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
