Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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