A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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