you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
