she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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