ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
