YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize