you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
