i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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