I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
