I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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