Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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