Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
