I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
