when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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