I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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