Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
