PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
