people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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