so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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