yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
