drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
