Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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