dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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