woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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