i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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