found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
