I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They are going to name an STD after you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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