i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
