I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my shit smells like andre
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
