Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
