Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize