I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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